Deadpool #0: Interview with a Psychopath

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Deadpool #0: Interview with a Psychopath

Post  Jonathan Strickland on Wed May 30, 2012 8:22 pm

Deadpool laid down quietly on the rooftop, his sniper rifle steadily lining up with his target. He dialed in the scope, accounted for the wind, and chambered the round.

“Sniper rifle? Check.”

“Bag of celebratory gummy bears? Check.”

Inner monologue. “Check.”

He put his finger on the trigger and smiled under his mask, now THIS is job satisfaction. Wait? Where are my little yellow thought boxes?! Dammit Wade, focus! He shook his head and looked back through the scope, “Never say never, Justin.”

Before Wade could react, a cable hooked around the barrel, and the rifle was suddenly snatched out of his hands and into the shadows. From behind he heard a loud sigh and a voice, “What are you doing, Wade? Who hired you for this?”

“No one hired me, I’m doing this world a favor that you ‘heroes’ won’t! Think about it, double D, if you could go back in time and kill Hitler before World war II, wouldn’t you do it?”

For a moment, Daredevil couldn’t say anything, he just stared at the mercenary, completely dumbfounded. “Di- did you really just compare Hitler… to Justin Bieber? Even for you this is just… I don’t even know what.”

There was a long period of silence. Daredevil’s face was unreadable, not that Wade was paying attention, he was thinking more about the gummy bears than anything else.

“So is this the part where you tell me to stop my villainous ways or you’ll make me stop?” the mercenary asked, lifting the bottom of his mask and shoving a handful of gummy bears in his mouth. “Because,” mumbling as he chewed, “as much as I’d love that, I really need to get back to watch my stories.”

The hero shook his head, “Can’t tackle an issue head on, can you Wade? It’s always snappy comebacks and guns for you, isn’t it?” he asked, his tone sounding increasingly cynical. “No, I’m not going to fight you,” Daredevil said, shaking his head.

“You’re losing me, red. I’m supposed to shoot people, you’re supposed to get mad because I shoot people, then I’m supposed to kick your butt. That’s how this hero/ villain thing goes.” Deadpool said, looking longingly at the now empty gummy bear bag.

“I’m not going to fight you, because you’re not worth my time. You’re not a villain, you’re just pathetic.”

Deadpool clinched his fists, “You wanna rethink those words, before I have to shove that cane where the sun don’t shi– wait, where DOES the sun shine for a blind guy?”

“You hunted us, Wade, and as much as I’d love to beat you into the pavement for that, it won’t do any good. Maybe if you ever thought for yourself, I’d think you can change, but you never will. You’re not a hero, you’re not a villain, you’re whatever the next guy with a paycheck tells you to be,” Daredevil said, disappearing into the shadows.

Deadpool stood on the rooftop silently for a moment, clenching and unclenching his fists angrily. He slammed his fist into a nearby air duct, “Daredevil, the ‘Man without fear’” he said mockingly, “What does that jerk know?” he mumbled.

He grabbed his gear and stepped to the edge of the rooftop, “This ain’t over, Bieber!” he yelled, jumping down to the alleyway below.




The next day…

“And how did that make you feel?” asked Dr. Michaels nervously, trying to take notes while being handcuffed to a chair.

“Not good, doc,” Wade said, his arms resting behind his head as he laid on the psychiatrist’s couch. “He hit me right in the feel- bads, and I didn’t know I still had those.”

“Well, maybe he was right, maybe you need to find one path for yourself and follow it,” the doctor said nervously.

Wade was silent for a moment, “I think you’re right, doc. Maybe I need to decide which side of the fence I’m on. Is Wade Wilson gonna be a hero or a villain?” he asked himself, thoughtfully stroking his chin.

“I’ve got it!” he yelled, scaring the doctor and causing him to fall back in his chair. “I’ll be the most awesomest, chimichanga eatenest, hero this city has ever seen!” He gasped, “Maybe… I’ll even get my own action figure! And a TV show! And a movie!” he said excitedly.

Dr. Michaels couldn’t see anything, but he could hear the sounds of his office being destroyed. He looked to his side and could see Deadpool staring out the window, “I’ll be the hero this city needs, the hero it deserves!”

The doctor stammered for a moment, “You’re-“

“Sexy? Suave? Heroic? Intriguing? Complicated?” he said, placing his hands on his hips in the traditional hero pose. “Yes citizen, I am all of those things and more. But most importantly, I am Super Deadpool!” he yelled, diving through the window.

The doctor sighed, “Wearing my drapes,” he murmured, completing his sentence.




As New York’s newest super hero surveys the city, the question stands: Is New York, or even the world, ready for “Super Deadpool”? Find out soon!
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Jonathan Strickland

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Re: Deadpool #0: Interview with a Psychopath

Post  Paul E. Schultz on Sun Jun 03, 2012 2:15 am

I've never been a Deadpool fan...until now.
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Re: Deadpool #0: Interview with a Psychopath

Post  Craig DeBoard on Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:36 am

"Inner monologue. “Check.”"

HA!!!! Instant win!
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Re Deadpool 0

Post  Eric Nyman on Thu Jun 07, 2012 9:15 am

You had me at Celebratory Gummi Bears LOL Laughing Instant win. Great job

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Re: Deadpool #0: Interview with a Psychopath

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